Everyone grieves differently; it's OK to express it to loved ones

Support local journalism. A digital subscription is incredibly affordable and makes you the most informed person around. Click here and subscribe today

Q: Last year I lost my mother and now I find myself going through a divorce after 18 years of marriage.

It has obviously been tough to cope with, but what has been even harder is the feeling of being abandoned by friends and family during this difficult time. I’m honestly shocked.

I never would have guessed that some of the people I am closest to would be so neglectful.

They were very present when things first started, but now they rarely call to check on me and don’t even think to include me in plans when they must know how lonely I am.

It feels like so much loss in such a short period. I’m overwhelmed with hurt and loneliness.

How can I cope when friends and family let me down during this time of grief?

Kristin's previous columns:

Differing opinions: Does your partner obsess too much on cleanliness? It may or may not be OCD

It really works: Grief counseling has many benefits if you're struggling with loss of loved one

Get it off your chest: Goals in a relationship may differ; make feelings known or resentment could occur

A: Dealing with grief can be a difficult and lonely experience, often leaving you feeling isolated and unsupported. When friends and family don’t know how to help, they may unfortunately do little or even sometimes do or say things that make it worse.

It’s not uncommon to feel let down and frustrated by the people closest to you during a time of grief.

When you’re struggling with hard emotions, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to rely exclusively on your family and friends for support.

Everyone grieves differently, and it’s possible your closest relationships may not be able to provide the support you need for a variety of reasons.

They may not understand what you need, they may have their own challenges they are coping with privately, or your experience might be triggering something painful within themselves. 

Those reasons don’t change the fact that you are disappointed in their responses, but it is important to know that your friends and family likely do care about you very much and are not intentionally neglecting you. 

I would recommend trying to clearly communicate to the people close to you that you are struggling emotionally and share specifically what is helpful and supportive.

They might just need to be made more aware of what you need from the relationship.

Keep an open spirit by allowing people to support you in their own unique ways.

When you let go of expectations of exactly how people should support you or even who should be supporting you, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised by unexpected people stepping up and offering you a type of support you didn’t even know you needed.

Don’t hesitate to seek out professional help and local support groups. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you’re going through can offer a deeper level of support.

A professional therapist can provide you a safe space to process your range of emotions and provide skills for moving through the trauma.

It can also be helpful to remember that your needs and values may change during a time of grief. Major life transitions can be very uncomfortable, but offer an opportunity for reflection and growth mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

This change may bring some relationships in your life closer, create healthy distance from others, and introduce new ones that you never expected. 

So while you may have moments of feeling deep loneliness, you are not actually alone in your struggle, and this time of transition will pass.

If you have a question related to emotional well-being that you would like to submit for consideration to be posted and answered in this column, you may email your inquiries to [email protected]

Kristin Woodling is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Chief Executive Officer of Pamper Your Mind LLC in Satellite Beach. Details about the practice and services provided can be found at pamperyourmind.